Sample Letter to Newly Married Couple on Interpersonal Communication

Letter to Newly Married Couple on Interpersonal Communication

Dear Dave and Sally,

It is with great pleasure that I take this opportunity to share with you some of the critical elements that will be effective in addressing the issue of interpersonal communications in your new relationship. Indeed the value of personal interpersonal communications cannot be undermined because life is all about communication, and the interpersonal perspective is the most important aspect of communication (Gaertner, 2010). Worth noting is that the manner in which you will approach this issue of effective interpersonal communication will to a larger extent determine the ultimate success and outcome of your relationship. Allow me to highlight some of the key elements that will enable the clear understanding of this issue.

Dave and Sally, allow me to share with you the actual meaning of interpersonal communication. You may already have heard that communication is the transfer of a shared meaning from the sender to the message recipient, either intentionally or unintentionally. This implies that whenever we give meaning or observe behaviour, the communication process is taking place. Interpersonal communication is therefore that which will take place between the two of you. The second person must be available for interpersonal communication to take place. Interpersonal communication therefore involves two people forming what is known as a dyad (Adler, 2006).

Some of the key elements of communication that are worth remembering include; effective communication will solve most of your problems, more communication is always better, communication is irreversible and that communication can either be intentional of unintentional. Dave and Sally, in your relationship it is very important to understand that communication will not solve all problems (Gaertner, 2010).  Kay question that must often be considered includes the issue on whether interpersonal communication addresses all the relationship challenges. While communicating, it is important to understand that it will not always be a solution to all problems. Importantly, you can make sure that communication solves your problems by ensuring that in keeping with the other principles of communication, communication achieves exactly what it is meant to achieve, which is solve problems. Interpersonal communication, effectively used can solve problems.

There are instances where more communication will not always be better. This is especially so, when communication is negative. Communication that is more negative will always lead to problems. Here the most important concept to understand is that more communication does not necessarily mean better, in so far as interpersonal communication is concerned. Therefore, the quality and direction of communication is more important than the quantity of communication. For instance, in the event of an argument, you may realize that both of you are angry and none may be willing to listen to the other thus you must understand that this may not be the best time to continue communicating. It is at such moments that silence becomes golden. Unfortunately, most people do not know how to terminate a conversation when it is not yielding results thus jeopardize interpersonal communication. What happens is that they all raise their voices, hurl abuses at each other and only end up uttering words that make them end up regretting later.

One of the principles of communication is that it is an irreversible process. This implies that whatever is written or spoken whenever we are angry can never be taken back and the impression created may never be erased. It is therefore better to be careful than to regret what we said or wrote simply because we had to communicate more. That be as it may, there are also instances when more communication will always be better. The key point to remember is to make evaluations on instances when more communication is better and counterproductive. This will make your interpersonal communication highly effective (Gaertner, 2010).

            The next element of interpersonal communication that is essential for your understanding is that it can both be intentional and unintentional. Most people and couples think that communication must only be ‘intentional’. This is not true. Even when we are not talking, we are always communicating because there are so many ways of communicating other than speaking and writing. Our facial expressions, moods and body language will always send out more meaning than word.  This implies that the non-verbal communication serves to betray the verbal communication such that even though we may be saying one thing, there is a high possibility that our body language could be sending different signals to the other partner. Thus, even as you relate intentionally, it is also important to remember that there are those signals that are being received by your partner even though you are sending them unconsciously. As a new couple, it is ensure that you do not unintentionally communicate what you did not wish to do so. Interpersonal correspondence is transactional in nature. It is a procedure in which

Transmission and gathering happen all the while and source and recipient ceaselessly affect each other. What we think about one another and what we accept one another to know influence the messages we send. Each one gathering in a dyad at the same time performs the parts of sender and recipient, otherwise called a part duality. How the people perform the parts, or how great they are at sending and accepting, relies on upon what they bring to the relationship, including their sentiments about themselves, their insight about correspondence, and their mentality, qualities, and objectives. All these components impact how well a sender processes the codes of his or her considerations, sentiments, feelings, and disposition by placing them into a structure an alternate can identify with, and how the collector disentangles the contemplations, emotions, feelings, and mentality of the sender by deciphering them into messages.

I would also like to remind you of the barriers that will most likely hinder your interpersonal communication process. The first barrier is that of preoccupation, which means lack of full concentration and attention as one spouse may be involved in doing something else when being addressed. It is important to ensure that that when any partner seeks to communicate, the other should give him or her attention, mentally and physically. Preoccupation with other issues can hinder the process of effective communication.

Emotional blocks is another barrier that triggers unhappy emotions that keeps off one partner from effectively engaging in a conversation with the other hence must be avoided when communicating. This means that it is important for each of you to perfectly understand each other’s emotional make-up and sensitivities every time you intend to start a meaningful conversation. It is also important for each of you to learn and be articulate in communicating. Always avoid vagueness and ambiguity, in tone, voice, or content of the message that needs to be put across. Inarticulateness may seriously hinder communication between the two of you. Be clear. Stereotypes are our way of saying to each other that we know what the other party if going to say. This will often result in one partner not giving the other partner a sincere opportunity to express him or herself. Stereotypes are destructive to interpersonal relationships (Operrario & Fiske, 2001).

Whatever the case may be, both of you should be careful not to be hostile to each other. Hostility has a way of negatively interfering with the communication climate and environment hence eventually makes communication impossible. Try not to be hostile to each other. The physical environment can be a barrier to a communication in so many ways. The weather and climate may create physical discomfort, which may fundamentally interfere with communication. Secondly, there are environments where the two of you may not be comfortable in, to discuss sensitive matters. This therefore means that you will both have to keenly consider whether the environment favours the kind of communication that is needful. Importantly, how the environmental circumstances may be mitigated to ensure that what must be communicated between two persons is communicated.

            Dave and Sally, I would also like to bring to your attention the idea of ‘Self Concept’, and how it affects interpersonal communication.  The basis of interpersonal communication is self-concept as emphasized by (Lane, 2008) because it determines how each individual perceives him or herself and in turn affects how they relate and communicate to the other people.

Self-concept is an opinion or perception you hold of yourself. This implies that how both of you see yourselves will greatly determine how you communicate to each other. Studies have confirmed that if we have a good self-concept, our self-image and self-esteem will be good. Consequently, we will then relate to each other in a better way. The primary creators of self-image are belief, values, and attitude. Foremost, we are what we believe. What we believe determines how both of you see yourselves and the world without you.

Secondly, values define our sense of right and wrong. Values describe what we consider wrong verses good. Attitudes are customary predispositions towards certain facts, and people. Together, the three greatly determine the self-concepts we hold. Other factors that may influence the self-concepts are birth order, social status, personal attributes, etc. Self-concept develops from two primary areas; first is by how we see ourselves in comparison to other persons we interact with in the society (Adler, 2006). Our comparisons affect how we view ourselves. Secondly, how others see us also determines how we see ourselves.  It will therefore be important for both of you to examine the personal self-concepts, and to remedy the defects thereof, where necessary.

            Dave and Sally, I would also like both of you to clearly understand your cultural backgrounds as these are essential in shaping that we are and our opinions during interpersonal communication. This is so because each culture has its communication rules and competencies. What may be acceptable to Dave in his cultural context may not be allowed according to Sally’s cultural norms. This therefore means that you have to both understand these cultural peculiarities and to harmonize them to enhance your interpersonal communication and relationship. Importantly, it will be vital for each of you to understand each other.

The same concept argues to gender. Each society has its definition of each gender’s role, and how a man and a woman should relate through communication. Here again, it is important to understand the cultural peculiarities, and to harmonize them within the context of interpersonal communications between the two of you (Adler, 2006). What for example is the preserve of a man, as far as communication is concerned. It is of essence to take note of the taboo topics or subjects that should not be openly discussed by either gender as dictated by culture etc. In this regard, it will be important to avoid a situation where either of you imposes his or her culture on the other, as this will be detrimental to ther interpersonal communication between the two of you. Equally, either party to this relationship should not be discriminated against based on his or her culture. The key idea is to respect diversity as it exists in different cultures and backgrounds of all who are involved in this relationship.

            The late Steve Jobs, founder of Apple computers once observed that computers were ‘personal’ and should have been renamed ‘interpersonal computers’. The channel of communication is very important. Actually, the channel will always determine the message. Researchers have emphasized that the medium is as important as the message being channeled. Meaning the medium, which we use to convey whatever message we wish to convey to each other, is in itself an important statement, communication-wise. I would therefore like to counsel you to choose the media that will give the highest levels of effectiveness whenever you are communicating.

            Dave and Sally, in the final analysis, I would like to make the following observations concerning your communication competencies. Sally comes across a natural introvert while Dave is an extrovert. This calls for a high appreciation of your different temperaments. For instance, researchers have established that introverts talk less and therefore Dave should expect to be different from Sally without imposing personal elements and convictions towards the other. Importantly, you should both seek to practically apply all the principles of communication that have been aforementioned above without taking anything for granted.

Interpersonal communication is something that we learn (Trenhold & Jensen, 2000). It is not a skill that is innate. This therefore means that you cannot both afford to overlook the lessons that have been penned in this letter. The principles that have been laid bare are no respecter of persons. Applied, they will prove more than useful. On ther other hand, misapplied or neglected, the interpersonal communication between the two of you is headed to the rocks. We all know that communication is the foundation of all relations.

As I conclude my letter to you, allow me to share with you an experiment that was done in which three young children were deliberately not exposed to communication. The nurses who looked after the three babies were instructed to not communicate to them at all. The aim of the 13th century experiment was aimed at discovering the language used before the development of modern languages. All the three children died. This can only reinforce the importance of interpersonal communication.




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Knapp, M.L. (2012). Interpersonal communication and human relationships. Boston: Allyn &           Bacon.

Operrario, D., & Fiske, S. (2001). Stereotypes: Content, structures, processes, and context. In R. Brown & S.

Stephanie Kellog (2007) Theories and Principles of Interpersonal Communication

Shelley D. Lane (2008) (University of Texas at Dallas) Interpersonal Communication:             Competence and Contexts.

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